Oxycodone – The Real Story

My reconstructive surgeon Dr. Elliott is wonderful. He restored my trust in the medical field with his kindness and understanding. He also kept me doped to the gills for the first month I was recovering after bilateral lat flap breast reconstruction.

He gave me a prescription for Oxycodone and a really great muscle relaxer while the pain was at its worst. I don’t really remember more than snippets about that first month. I have left all my April of 2009 entries exactly the way they were when I posted them complete with typos to show just how dopey I was.

The misspellings are only part of the fun that was Oxy. I became obsessed with HGTV’s interior decorating shows. Every day I would park myself in front of the TV and watch as a parade of designers transformed rooms, yards or whole houses.

It wasn’t long before I started talking about getting certified in home staging. The only program I found turned out to be a scam. So I looked into a degree in Interior Design. I even went so far as to ask to schools for information.

Later I had to explain that I was high and I wouldn’t be applying to their school. It was embarrassing.

Oxy Lesson # 1: Don’t consider a career change while you’re stoned out of your tree.

As I said, I don’t remember much beyond little snippets of that first month. Carrying on a discussion was a bit of a challenge to say the least. Talking to friends on Facebook didn’t last long either because I could barely raise my arms even WITH the major drugs.

Oxy Lesson # 2: Don’t try to have meaningful conversations while you’re whacked out of your gourd.

Alex, my oldest, says the funniest thing he remembers is that I wobbled around the house. I’m guessing it’s a combination of being stoned and/or in pain.

The not-so-funny part was when Dr. Elliott wisely refused to renew my Oxy prescription and replaced it with Percocet. I got PISSED! I mean I was SO ticked I threatening law suit (not to him, just to hubby). And that’s when I realized that I was starting to have a dependency problem with the stuff.

Oxy Lesson # 3: Don’t stay on it any longer than you have to.

The big thing I remember is that with Oxy, it was like being wrapped in a big, cottony, warm cloud. Nothing could hurt me in the Oxy cloud and all I had to do was just sit and stare.

Hell, on Oxy, all I COULD do was sit and stare.

Oxy Lesson # 4: It serves it’s purpose but it is SO easy to get hooked on. If you HAVE to do it, only take it for a very short time and then get off of it. Withdrawls, even onto another narcotic made me a kind of nasty for a few days. So be aware of what you’re getting into.

 

The 200th Post

As the title says, this is the 200th installment of BoobCast. Today I am writing about you, dear reader. Today’s installment is all about the support and the stories that people have shared with me since I first started this blog on Oct. 11, 2008.

When I first started writing this, I was also fairly active on a website called All About Plastic Surgery (http://www.allaboutplasticsurgery.com). When I posted what had happened to me it didn’t take long before I was inundated by questions about various aspects of the surgery. You can find that entry here: http://boobcast.net/2008/10/14/questions/ People expressed a great deal of concern about how well I had checked out the surgeon, what indications I might have had and what legal recourse I might have taken. During that period so many people gave their support and I am grateful for it. So my thanks goes out to the women of the All About Plastic Surgery forum. They were the ones who inspired the idea for BoobCast.

Now you’re probably asking yourself, “Gee Maria, why do you call it BoobCast? Were they wrapped in plaster or something at one point?”

No, dear reader. There are reasons this site is called BoobCast.  In 2007 the podcasting community lost a precious member by the name of Joe Murphy. He died of a vicious type of cancer that took him quickly. During his medical treatments he talked in vivid detail about what was going on, the testing and all of it. His strength inspired me. I wanted to be as strong and as brave as Joe Murphy. So I planned to podcast what was going on with my breast necrosis. The name of that podcast was going to be BoobCast.

I never met Joe but his life inspired me. It just turns out that I’m not that strong or that brave. To honor that bravery I have kept the name.

I also owe thanks to a very dear friend, Tee Morris. When I was trying to find the strength to create BoobCast, He was there for me. He gave me mental and emotional support by letting me know that I *could* do it. I’m sorry I disapointed you Tee but want to thank you for being a friend when I needed one.

In the time I’ve been writing BoobCast I have had people email me directly for advice. Of course, after reading the email, my advice was always “Contact your PS (plastic surgeon) and ask for [fill-in-the-blank]. Whether it was about bruising, skin texture or pain, I advised talking to their doctor. If they couldn’t get a decent answer from that doctor, talk to another one.

The one that really broke my heart was the husband of a woman who, a few days previous the email,  had the same procedure I had. According to her husband, the pain pills her PS had given her weren’t doing much and she was in constant pain. She couldn’t eat or sleep and she was suffering. I told her husband to call her PS immediately and insist on different pain meds and not take NO for an answer. i explained that, right now it was his job to advocate for his wife since she couldn’t do it herself.

A couple days later I got an email from him saying that her PS had changed her meds and she was doing MUCH better. It’s emails like those that made BoobCast well worth the emotional pain of writing those early posts.

I also want to thank everyone who talked to me about BoobCast at DragonCon last year. Being told in person that I’m making a difference means the world to me. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me.

Finally, my thanks to Carol Montoya, Lolly Daskal and the Woman At Denny’s. I promise that once I’ve had nipple reconstruction and recuperate from that, I WILL write the book. The foundation is in the works already.

My thanks to you all for reading, commenting and talking to me. Here’s to another 200!

 

Truth To Tell

Earlier I was reading through the entries from right before and right after my latissimus flap reconstruction in April of last year. I couldn’t help but notice the typos in some of those entries. I considered for a few minutes correcting those typos. Then I realized that the typos are actually a part of my story.

They are a visual example of the effects of the medication I was on. Since people are so visually attuned, I feel that it’s best if I leave it there so that people can not only read but also see the level of FUBAR I was then.

Yes I know that “spelling errors” look bad on a blog. I’m keeping those particular mess ups though and proper spelling be damned.

 

9 1/2 Weeks

From the title of the post, it’s pretty obvious what today’s topic is.

Medical updates.

The spot on my back is still troublesome. It’s not really getting any better. I’m still not too worried about it though as no one else at Dr. Elliott’s office is overly concerned. Last night Ken said he thinks I should “be seen” by Dr. Elliott’s contemporary down here, Dr. Roxanne Guy. I have an appointment for Thursday.

Honestly, I am SICK of “being seen”. I am SO over all of this medical crap. I just want to get ON with my life. I think that’s part of the reason I’ve started doing Ta Ta Tuesday. Even though I may not be completely done with all of this, I want to start enjoying the completion of the major stage.

The nurse at Dr. Elliott’s office had suggested that I wait another month to take the tape off the  suture line. I got tired of waiting so I went ahead and took the tapes off  four days early. Really I could have taken the tapes off at 6 weeks but I tend to be overly cautious as far as suture lines go.

I haven’t taken any acetaminophen for pain in a few days. I’m happy about that. It’s definitely a few steps ahead of where I was. My endurance, however, is another matter all together.  I used to be able to be at Disney for anywhere from 12 to 14 hours. Now I can’t walk around for more than a couple hours without getting worn out. It’s possible that the heat could be exacerbating the issue, but I just don’t think so.

Mobility is another issue. I can raise my left arm all the way up next to my head. The skin in my armpit is still a little tight. My right arm is another matter. I can only raise it at a 55 or 60 degree angle without tightness and pain. It HAS improved since surgery. It’s just improving more slowly.

Emotionally I’m doing better, as the idea of TaTa Tuesday shows. I’m still trying to decide if I want to take a chance on nipple reconstruction. Some articles say that in experienced hands the failure rate is less than 2%. On other websites I’ve read women’s stories of how their nipples flattened out between six months to 2 years. There was also a fairly high incident of infection.

I have emailed Dr. Elliott and asked him to suggest someone who makes custom silicone nipples and write a letter of request. Every prosthetics maker I have found that does really good hand painted nipples requires a letter from a physician. Even if I decide to have the surgery later, I will still have the prosthetics in the mean time.

 

iHurt ver. 2.0

The last four days I have been much more active than I have been for the last eight weeks. We had two days of running errands, two days in a row at the salon getting my hair done and then fixed when all FOUR tubes of pink dye were defective, resuming “normal activity” (ahem)…three times and recording another episode of Chipped Plate Chronicles, our food review podcast. Yesterday I spent clothes shopping. By the end of the day yesterday I had to take not one but TWO Darvocet halves. I was spiking a four on the Oh-My-God-It-Really-Fuckin-Hurts Scale. Number One Son noticed that I was breathing raggedly and practically MADE me take the second 1/2.

I can’t just relax today either. I’m having lunch with Number Two Son who needs to talk to me about some things. WHAT things, I have NO idea. This means I must drive to his place, drive to wherever we’re going to eat, probably Panera in Viera, drive BACK to his place and then home. It doesn’t *sound* like much, but when you’re already tired and sore, it is.

More than anything, it’s my back that’s hurting. Since I have to drive I really don’t trust my skills while on Darvocet. This means using the acetaminophen. That wouldn’t be an issue if I wasn’t pretty sure that it’s contributing to my bruising problem. Which puts me back on the new non-aspirin OTC pain med that doesn’t seem to work unless I take two. Which isn’t good because the package clearly stated that I should only take one at a time. Unlike many others, I don’t subscribe to the “if one is good, two is better” mentality.

The safest choice right now seems to be the acetaminophen. I’m just going to take it as slow as I can today and tomorrow I’ll spend the day resting. I don’t seem to have much choice otherwise. Number Two Son is dirt poor and he needs his gas money to get back and forth to work. I’ll just do the best I can. In the mean time, iHurt.

 

Positions

A couple days ago I finally tried turning on my side to sleep. Initially there was a moderate searing pain in my chest and then it settled down once my body adjusted to the new sleep position. The problem wasn’t so much my chest or back. My back has become very nearly a non-issue now that the drain sites are healing so well and the muscles and skin have relaxed.

The problem turned out to be my shoulder and right arm. It went painfully numb so that I was struck with nearly immobilizing pain from both there and my chest trying to get off of it.  So the moral of THAT story is…what? Try not to sleep so deeply?? I’m not taking anything beyond acetaminophen so it’s not meds making me sleep that soundly. My body is still healing and needs its rest.

I’m still sleeping on a pile of hospital pillows. Maybe if I change to just the wedge shape foam pillow under my regular pillows I can remedy that situation to some extent. I’ve already rearanged the hospital pillow pile so that I’m sleeping at a 45 degree angle rather than upright like I had been. It’s more comfortable that way.

This morning was actually the first morning I woke up without needing to immediately take something for pain. Oddly enough my back is aching more than my chest.  Since Ken had his car at the mechanic I decided that I was going to do some work in the office this morning.

We had 20 messages in voicemail to be dealt with, so I proceeded to make notes about which of our customers needed to be called back, who wanted catalogs and deleted the hang ups. By the time I was done, I was amazed to discover that I was absolutely exhausted. It seems totally bizarre to me that making notes about phone messages could be so hideously draining. I guess it’s a good thing that the mechanic couldn’t work on the car today after all (they need to order a part first).

After a long rest, I grabbed up my keys and drove around the neighborhood. I think I’m able to drive short distances, but anything beyond a few miles would be taxing for me. My underarms are still tight. Overhand turns are easier than they were before but my chest was still tender. All in all, not bad for just shy of six weeks.

 

That’s What They Call Progress

As is par for the course I spent the day doing very little.  Mostly I spent it just recovering from the extended trip home and the extra-long visit to Disney World.  I’ve been really tired today and even took a nap this afternoon. Extra sleep aside, I’ll be going to bed at a decent hour tonight.

I must admit that I am feeling better. I’ve only taken three rounds of acetominaphen today. I’m also thinking about driving for the first time since my surgery tomorrow.  Ken has to take his Beetle over to the mechanic to have the air conditioning looked at. It’s been blowing warmer air for the last two weeks and with summer coming on fast here in central Florida, that needs to be taken care of as soon as possible.

Rather than let him be stranded at the mechanic all day, I’m thinking of trying to drive over to beachside and pick him up. I *think* I’ll be able to handle driving but I really have no way of knowing whether I can or not until I actually try.

Instead of trying to head directly out on the highway, I’ll probably start by taking a loop around the neighbornood. That will give me a good idea as to how limited I am in my turning radius. A few weeks ago the very idea of making broad overhanded turns was enough to make me cry. Now, I think I can manage it.

I’ve noticed that when I get up and down if I have more breast support, I have less pain. The shelf bra tank tops that I had previously thought of as too tight now give a little added support. Another thing that helps is sliding one arm under my breasts and holding them in place as I get up.

I’ll update again tomorrow and report on how well the foray into driving goes.

 

The Long And Winding Road

We FINALLY got home at midnight last night. We would have been home much sooner but there was a torrential downpour in Orlando yesterday evening for about 90 minutes.  We ended up in the small covered area right next to the entrance for the Swiss Family Robinson Tree House. Ken and I had the only two dry spots in there after the revolving families in wet ponchos and drenched teens paraded through the small area.

On the way home we listened to Scott Sigler’s Bloodcast-Season 1. (http://www.scottsigler.com/bloodcast). Again, if you haven’t listened to any of Sigler’s works or read any of his books, you are SERIOUSLY missing out. *I* still want to know what happened to that little kid that got sucked down the mud puddle. And just WHAT was that big blue thing in “Wolf”??

Listening to those was a great way to take my mind off the discomfort. I keep saying that I learned my lesson three weeks ago about pushing myself. And again two weeks ago. But…I haven’t. After the long trip back from Atlanta, we spent about 10 hours at Disney. You wouldn’t think sitting in a wheelchair and occasionally getting up and down would be that exhausting. If it had just been a trip to Disney, I don’t think I would be this sore, tired and tender today. We’re also contemplating a trip back over there on Monday.

Yes, boys and girls, I AM a glutton for punishment. If I feel like this tomorrow though, the only place I’ll be going is back to bed.  Either that or I’ll be sitting on the couch staring at the TV again.

It’s difficult for me to know what activities, beyond the obvious, will be pushing myself and what will simply be stretching my limits so that I regain flexibility and muscle tone faster. I hear from my Mom that it takes about 6 weeks to feel “normal” again from a standard operation. I hear from other people that it takes 2-4 weeks to recover from this procedure. On another website I read that it takes 3-6 weeks to resume normal activities. Since I want to be back to my old self, I push my limits either intentionally or unintentionally so that I WILL be back to my old self when I’m supposed to be.

I have to wonder about trying to make myself conform to those time frames. The 2-4 week time frame got me in trouble and I ended up hurting myself. The six week time frame is coming up on Thursday. If I don’t move around, I won’t recover. If I move around too much I hurt myself and have a setback. I really don’t have any idea where the happy median lies in this.

I know that I cannot just sit here and watch TV or I’ll be constantly stiff and sore. I do get up and move around. I actually organized my lingerie drawer earlier. I finally threw away my orphaned socks, added the old surgical bras to the “donate” pile and reorganized the drawer. That made room for the new pretties I picked up at Intimacy on Friday. So I really am managing to do things here and there. I’m just doing fewer things and I’m doing them slowly.

It’s frustrating for me though. I have so many plans and I want to get going with them but instead of heading down the highway at speed I feel like I’m taking a Sunday drive along the back country roads at 20 mph. I guess healing really IS a long and winding road.

 

The Traveling Show

The human nervous system is an amazing thing. We’re capable of feeling the lightest touch of a feather or the crushing depths of the ocean when we dare to dive deep. Recovering from surgery is a challenge to that amazing system.

As anyone who has had anything from major surgery to stitches will know. part of the healing process is what I refer to as “those wonderful (insert sarcastic tone here) nerve pains” Or “that asshole with the icepick”. Those are the intermittent stabbing pains that indicate that your nervous system is trying to reestablish connections. For me this, and the intense itching in spots, is a major indicator of healing.

Yesterday while we were driving back to Florida I dealt with several rounds of that asshole with an icepick. Unfortunately at times like those, acetaminophen just doesn’t quite do the trick. I’ll have to take 1/2 a Darvocet to make it stop completely.

Granted, there were extenuating circumstances yesterday. First, my muscles stiffen up when I’m in a car for that long, Yes we took breaks every couple hours, but it still takes a little time to work the kinks out. Getting in and out of the car is a process. Hubby holds a pillow in place and I slowly lower myself in and swivel around in the seat. The pillows act like shock absorbers against the vibration from the road.

Second, we went to visit my Mom. She’s near Williston training stock dogs of all types and teaching their owners how to be better handlers. So she’s out in the country. That means dealing with a dirt road and chuck holes at 30mph are never fun.

Third, even though these new bras are wonderful, my body still has to adjust to them. As I’ve mentioned before, I haven’t worn a real bra in 2 years so that might contribute a little bit as well to the stabbing pains.  Thus we have multiple factors that may or may not be contributing to what turned out to be a 4 yesterday on the 1-10 scale.

That may not sound like much, but couple that with the stressors of meeting Mom’s business partner, touring the house and farm, meeting the other dogs and his horses and just the exhaustion of traveling, it’s surprising I didn’t tap out at a higher level.

We also ended up leaving Atlanta later in the morning than we usually would have. Thursday we stopped by my very favorite jewelry store in Dunwoody, H&A Jewelers, to check into the cost of upgrading my diamond studs. H&A had this fantastic program wherein once you buy a pair of their diamond studs, you can upgrade to a bigger size just by paying the difference between the two. They also charge 40% off the price on the tag on top of the trade-in value.

While we’re there we always have our wedding bands cleaned. The woman helping us took one look at my engagement ring and about passed out. It seems that the prongs holding my diamond in place were so worn down that had I bumped it really hard, there was an excellent chance that I could lose the diamond. So she overnighted a 6 prong (I did have just 4 prongs originally) white gold head, I still have the original band, to the shop and had my engagement ring ready to go Friday morning at 10 am when they opened.

We also stopped by Trader Joe’s on the way out of town to pick up a couple boxes of JoJo’s and half a case of wine. If you’re not familiar, Trader Joe’s has bottles of wine they call “Two Buck Chuck”. These are what amounts to the leftovers from vinyards all over Napa Valley blended together as individual wines. In other words, take all the leftover Chardonay from 40+ vinyards, mix it all together and you have Two Buck Chuck Chardonay.

Now as for JoJo’s, these are Trader Joe’s answer to Oreo. Their answer is BETTER. They use real vanilla bean for their filling and the cookies are just alittle bit soft. The flavor is better, they’re all natural AND their cheaper so it’s a winner all around.

With those errands to accomplish it took until almost noon before we were actually completely out of the Atlanta metro. Bearing all that in mind it’s no wonder I needed a 1/2 a Darvocet by the time we sat down to dinner with Mom.

Since we got such a late start and dinner with Mom went for quite a while, we ended up getting a room in Ocala last night. Ken was just too tired to drive the remaining 4 hours home. So this morning we’re off to the House of the Mouse after breakfast. As exhausting as yesterday was and as sore as I am this morning, we’re going to be renting a wheelchair again today. I’m really hoping that this will be the last time that I’ll have to be pushed around.

As  far as medical updates go, the site on my back is looking good, as is everything else. There’s not much to report there. Though I DID notice something interesting last night I hadn’t noticed before. The “flap” part of my new breasts has a different skin tone than the original tissue it is attached to. Now I know you’re thinking “Thank you Captain Obvious”. To me this is just a minor thing that I found interesting.

I’ve also noticed that the transplanted muscle in my left breast still tends to spasm some if I use my arm to push myself up out of a chair. Not all the time but more than jut once in a while. The right does too sometimes but the left is much more adamant about it.

 

Doctor Place

Yesterday was my one month check up with Dr. Elliott. After taking the tape off from over all the suture lines he announced that everything is looking fantastic. Even the spot on my back is just superficial. So I don’t need to see him again until after DragonCon in September!! WOOHOO!!

There is a red area just above the top suture line on my right breast and very mild bruising on the top of the left breast still but after prodding, Dr. Elliott said that he isn’t at all concerned. There is no thickening under the skin, it isn’t hot to the touch and there is no indication of infection. He thinks that it’s just the way my body is. So I’m going to defer to his expertise.

He also told me that I should leave the tape off the suture line for a week and give the areas a good (but GENTLE) scrub down with soap and water each time I shower. Then, next Wednesday, we’re to retape everything. I’m going to have to call next week and find out how long he wants me to leave the tape on this second time.

There was just one little tiny thing though. As the nurse took off the tape on the top, right side near the red spot, my skin actually tore open just a teeny tiny bit. They are just topical openings and very superficial though. It looks like I had been lightly scratched by a cat in two spots about 1/2 an inch long.

I have been unable to find any references to thin or delicate skin after my type of breast reconstruction. Perhaps it is simply my biology. It’s such a little thing though that I don’t really see a reason to worry about it. If it happens again, then I’ll worry about it. Right now I’m not going to borrow trouble.

The right side drain site is still leaking just a tiny bit of serous fluid. It also itches abominably at times which tells me it is healing. Annoying yes but it IS a step forward. It is still a bit tender but nothing like it was when the drain was still in.

We’ll be headed home to Florida tomorrow morning. On the way we’re going to meet up with my Mom. She hasn’t seen me since the surgery. I think she’s going to be absolutely stunned.

Which reminds me, I need to email the “After” Shot to my Dad. He’ll want to see that everything is just fine and he doesn’t need to worry anymore.