I’ve talked about this subject before but now it’s becoming a more vivid fear. A couple months ago I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. My doctor put me on a 50 mcg dosage of Synthroid. Within days my body reacted to the new influx of hormones. The first thing that happened was my head felt like it was on fire. I spent days walking around the house with an ice pack on my head just to keep cool. I was also having vicious mood swings from Hell to the point that I was abusive to everyone or I was sobbing. Or I was deliriously happy. Kinda scary. Add to that, when I woke in the mornings my heart felt like it was POUNDING in my chest.
One trip to the clinic and a blood test later and the Doc dropped my dosage to 25 mcg. He’s going to ramp me up slowly to a standard dosage because while my blood test results showed improvement, it’s not *enough* of an improvement.
However, now that my metabolism is improving, I’ve started to lose a little weight. How do I know this? I was cleaning out my closet and found some old embroidered jeans that I love in a size smaller than the size I wear now. On a whim I tried them on and while they’re a little bit snug, they fit.
This is, of course, what triggered an adventure in fear. I have told my husband repeatedly that this is an unreasonable fear. I *know* it’s unreasonable. But my emotions and the past overrule reason every time. I am scared to death that if I lose a lot of weight the Twins will shrink away to nothing and I’ll be back to being the deformed, sub-human thing that I was before Dr. Elliott did the reconstruction.
Like I said…unreasonable fear.
Yes, the Twins will shrink as the rest of my body does. It’s just biology. But I’m still terrified.
I’m considering seeing a psychologist about this. I think it may be related to the post traumatic stress disorder flashbacks I had for a while. Those only occur once every few months now and only in the shower. It’s been going on long enough that I may need to see someone though.
And so the Boobcast saga continues.