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Camouflage

10 Dec

It has taken me a long time to not only reach this conclusion, but to admit it to myself. This may even sound shallow or inconsequential to you. It surprises me how long it took me to fully admit to myself the reasoning behind what I’m about to talk about.

My hair.

Yes. My hair.

I have been coloring my hair pink for three and a half years, if you were not aware.

It has taken me almost that long to recognize that the reason I did it was not solely for a scifi and comic book convention. It was mostly for camouflage.

At the time I originally dyed my hair pink, my chest had healed badly and I was deformed. I wanted to do something radical; something that affirmed that even though i was this misshapen, subhuman thing, I was still alive. So I did it. I bleached my hair and dyed it bright pink.  While the goal was to do something daring, I realized only about 6-9 months ago that I also dyed my hair as a means of camouflage.

Yes, the pink drew lots of attention. However, while I was silently screaming “LOOK AT ME!!!”, it was more along the lines of “LOOK AT MY HEAD! IGNORE MY CHEST! LOOK AT MY HEAD AND IGNORE THE FACT THAT MY SHIRT FITS WEIRD!!!

So now you know the REAL reason I have pink hair. I was using it as a distraction the same way a magician might use misdirection for a magic trick. The thing is that I have been doing it so long, it’s a part of my identity. I can’t change my hair without having an impact on my life. I don’t WANT to change my hair. It really is a part of who I am now.

But sometimes…just sometimes… I remember why I really did it and it saddens me… Just a little.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on December 10, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

2 responses to “Camouflage

  1. lulupanache

    December 24, 2010 at 3:07 pm

    hi marie,
    love your attitude with life, l do wish you all the best,l have put more pictures on my blog and being quite open, my ps was fine about putting photo’s on my blog, l think pink said it all for you, it was something that was a reminder, you have been one strong lady, happy christmas and a happy healthy new year,

     
  2. lulupanache

    January 19, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    hi was marie,
    how are you doing, l must say your nipple job is so fantastic l do hope mine are as good as yours, l am not ready for mine yet more fat transfer shortly,
    well is your hair still pink or do you feel confident now you have completed your ordeal from necrosis, all the best to you

    lulupanache

     

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