Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired

14 Oct

My nipple and areolae tattoos have healed. Unfortunately, as I have mentioned in previous posts, there are spots that need to be touched up. They are much more pale than the other areas. Which led me to a really visceral reaction. This was comprised of “Keep that shit away from me!” and “Oh HELL no!”. Even though I don’t put much thought into what I’ve been through these days, I can genuinely say that I am TOTALLY sick and tired of being sick and tired.

This crap has been going on for over three years now and if I have to deal with one more breast-related issue, I think I’m going to snap and have the kind of breakdown that leaves me wedged into a little corner, rocking and sobbing. I haven’t had that level of meltdown since before mound reconstruction and I don’t really want to end up in that place again.

And so I will wait until I am mentally in a place where I can deal with more gauze and bandage changes. I am SO not there right now. I DO have to call Dr. Elliott’s office and let them know I’m going to want to schedule a touch up but that I’m not sure when my schedule will allow for it with the holidays coming up.

Logically I know I should just do it and get it over with. However, looking back at my posts about how sucktastick I originally thought my areolae tattoos were tells me something. It tells me that even then I wasn’t completely ready to have it done. It was the process of healing – AGAIN – more than anything that affected my attitude. Even though it is the last thing, I still have this voice in my head yelling, “Just how much MORE of this shit do i have to DEAL with?? Jezz! Can’t we just be DONE already?!?”

Even now as I write this, I realize that I have another post to write about how I have been avoiding dealing with the three year anniversary of the initial breast augmentation and lift.

To quote Captain Malcolm Reynolds in “Serenity”: “So here’s us; on the raggedy edge.”.

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Posted by on October 14, 2010 in Uncategorized


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