Being Pretty

19 Jun

“It’s not always about being pretty. Pretty is an element, a tool in the arsenal.

But it’s not always about pretty – though it’s always about telling a story.

And it’s always about change.” – JR Blackwell (

Being Pretty is a big part of what got me where I am. I was obsessed with Pretty; having pretty boobs. So much so that that I allowed a substandard hack to cut on one of the most intimate parts of my body in the pursuit of Pretty.

Not only did I allow it, in the days leading up to the BA and lift, I REVELED in it. I bathed in it as though it were silvered moonlit waters. I allowed my obsession with Pretty to take control of my life and slice away my better judgment like so much dead wood. I FORCED what I wanted, twisted the workings of the world and bent it to my will because by damn I was going to have pretty breasts if it killed me.

Oh, foolish, foolish child that I was.  Little did I know then that it very nearly did.

As JR says, Pretty is an element. It is an ideal that women aspire to. After all, what are you if you’re not Pretty?

And so we buy cosmetics to mask our flaws. We swallow diet pills that cause liver damage or heart failure and torture ourselves on weight machines until our muscles cry out for mercy. We spend money we don’t have on that perfect dress or those must-have shoes. We twist and warp ourselves in the pursuit of that ultimate goal: To Be Pretty.

Some of us even take that extra step. We allow ourselves to be sliced open in origami shapes and pieced back together in pursuit of Pretty.

An Anchor Breast Lift is precisely that my friends. That tender soft flesh on the underside of your breast, that sweet, innocent crease where he (or she) likes to plant delicate kisses when you make love,  is sliced open. Then another cut in the tender underside of your breast is made up the center. And a third around your soft, rosy areola and nipple.

Suddenly you have become a living puzzle in the pursuit of Pretty. And you’d best pray they can put Humpty Dumpty together again.

Because when they don’t, Pretty goes out the window and you will NEVER be the same.

They tell you that before surgery. Before they perform their surgical origami, feats of modern magic in the pursuit of Pretty, they tell you that You Will Never Be The Same.

And people say there are no psychics.


Those words are true beyond telling.

Even if things go perfectly and your enhancements look totally natural, You Will Never Be The Same. Perhaps this is why you chased down Pretty like a pack of hounds after a fox. Perhaps, like me, you didn’t like You. Perhaps you did.

In either case, you have been changed. You have Changed.

I nearly died in my pursuit of Pretty.

Pretty is just that. But it is also a monstrous beast with a maw full of razor bright fangs that will rip to shreds anyone it find unworthy. In the mind’s mirror we can see it eying us critically over our shoulder. Waiting for any sign of weakness so that it can rip and rend and tear. Or worse, crack the mirror so all we see is a broken reflection: an inaccurate, twisted image of ourselves.

Pretty is a brutal, unforgiving Mistress.

As JR says, however, it is always about change.

My pursuit of Pretty nearly killed me. Because of that horror, that despair and that spirit crushing time in my life, I am changed. I no longer wish to be Pretty. I accept myself for who and what I am. I love and cherish myself. I REVEL in being me.

In that love and acceptance I have found; in that change that came to pass in myself; I am SO much more than Pretty.


Posted by on June 19, 2010 in Uncategorized


4 responses to “Being Pretty

  1. J.R. Blackwell

    June 21, 2010 at 9:56 am

    I am so glad you wrote this – this is a concept that needs to be heard. I feel like this has been my lesson of the last five years or so – learning to love my body for all the wonderful things it does for me, and not to hate on it because it doesn’t fit certain cultural ideals.

    Sometimes, when I start thinking negative things about my body, I have to stop and remind myself of the fantastic things my body can do – my good health, the fact that I can walk three miles a day, that I can do yoga, and sing, make love, dance and stand on my head. The fact that my body has carried me though this glorious life, heart never even skipping a single beat.

    One of my friends was diagnosed with ALS last year, and his body has been slowly, but surely, giving out on him. His legs are done, his arms are losing control so that he can no longer play the music that he loved, even his lungs are now giving up their function. He recently wrote about finding a self beyond his body, about being more than a man who creates music, who runs, who cooks, who plays. He is learning to write with his eyes.

    His eyes.

    And I have the gall – the selfishness- to complain about my own, healthy body?

    My lesson over the past couple years has been to learn to love what I have, because I am only renting space in this world, I and need to enjoy it while I have it.

    This post is very enlightening – I hope that you include the ideas in this post in your book, because so many people need to feel more love for themselves and their bodies.

    • FledgelingSkeptic

      June 21, 2010 at 12:17 pm

      I couldn’t agree more J.R. Learning to be comfortable in our own bodies is a lesson many of us need to learn. Teen girls and 20-somethings are starving themselves to the point that they look like animated skeletons with skin because this is supposed to be Pretty. Women my age are getting nipped and tucked. All because society tells them they’re not good enough. There was an ad campaign a few years ago, ( that implied that women should judge themselves by men’s standards. Those women are beautiful just the way they are.

      Sadly when we’re bombarded with messages like that long enough, we actually believe them. This IS part of what I’ll be writing about because my insecurities about my breasts led to obsession, which led to losing them. I was perfectly healthy before surgery too. It’s heartbreaking when self-loathing takes us down that path. I’m glad that you’ve found out all those wonderful things about your body. In case you don’t hear it often enough, you ARE Beautiful. Men want you. Women want to BE you…or they want you, too. My guess is that you know this already. But it never hurts to hear it from someone else.

      Thanks again for the inspiration.

      • J.R. Blackwell

        June 21, 2010 at 3:11 pm

        What’s weird about that ad-campaign is that those women are amazingly beautiful. Our culture is messed up.

        Thanks for the self esteem boost. 🙂

        I hope that you will let me know when your book comes out. I look forward to reading it.


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