$^*%!#* Panic Attack

30 May

I’m in Maryland at Balticon this weekend (come find me and say Hi). As you know I’m changing gauze once a day to give my new nipples some added protection while they heal. That’s easy.

Something happened two mornings ago that scared the ever-lovin fuck outta me. As I was getting ready to put the new gauze on, I noticed that the bottom third of my right nipple was kind of dark. It looked like a fading bruise. Or the beginnings of necrosis.

Cue panic attack.

My sweet hubby Ken gently pointed out that the dark spot was exactly where the marker stain was when Dr. Elliott drew out the flaps for reconstruction. It has faded to the same color as a bruise. But just to be sure I tentatively touched the spot. It was warm and soft. Not coarse, cool and hardening like necrotic tissue.

I still don’t know if I started losing it out of relief or because I am still SO wrapped up in the emotions associated with the initial necrosis. I let lose with great, wracking sobs, couldn’t breath, all that happy shit. As I sit here typing, I’m still working on maintaining a semblance of control. I need to pull myself together because we have to go downstairs and pick up our badges, etc.

I’m still jumping at shadows. I’m not really sure how long I’m going to be like this.

How long DOES it take to recover from major trauma? The body mends and wounds heal, but how long does it take a spirit to mend?

Leave a comment

Posted by on May 30, 2010 in Uncategorized


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: