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Nervous

13 May

Okay so maybe there isn’t as much of a hiatus as I thought there would be.

The more I think about the impending surgery the more  nervous I get. I mean, I’m going to be AWAKE while I’m being cut on. Of course they’ll make sure I’m numb first but it’s still pretty scary. Sure they’re giving me Valium to keep be from running screaming from the room. But…still scary.

I’m even more terrified of what could happen if my circulation is poor in those tissues. I’m fighting back tears because I’m scared to death. I don’t think I can go through dealing with necrosis again. I just…I lost both breasts the first time. What will happen to me THIS time??

As a preventative measure I’ve cut alcohol out of my diet as well as fatty foods. I’m not eating any prepared or boxed foods. Only fresh fruits, veggies and fish or seafood. Now no one at Dr. Elliott’s office said i should change anything. I just know that a healthy diet will increase the likelihood of good healing.

Then there’s the other part of me that loves medical shows. This is the part that has been known to tell the doctor on TV to move his hand so I could see the operation better. This is also the part that wishes I could get this video taped. This is the part that, while I was healing from the deheschience, was looking with a critical eye at the gray spot and the curls of fatty tissue in my own chest.

I know the Valium will help during. But after? I anticipate being a basket case for the first few weeks.

 
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Posted by on May 13, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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