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Talking Is Harder Than Writing

12 Feb

I’ve been writing BoobCast for so long, one would think that losing my breasts to necrosis would have gotten somewhat easier to talk about. I would have liked to believe that writing about it makes it easier to deal with at all.

It hasn’t.

Yesterday I hung out with someone I haven’t seen in about a year and a half. After we talked about the initial reason she contacted me again, she asked me what had been going on with me since last we saw each other. So I told her. Not in vivid detail mind you but enough so that I was kind of choking up.

What surprised me even more is how much anger I still have towards the man I feel is responsible for all of this. I’m still legally constrained from mentioning his name or the name of his practice. That doesn’t keep me from hoping that some day someone will break his hands with a sledgehammer so he can’t put some other poor woman through this.

Almost 2 and a half years and I’m still angry beyond belief. I think what made me the most angry has always been his manner. There was The Valium Incident, generally replying “I don’t know” when asked what was going on and insulting my practice as an herbalist by calling it voodoo even though, as part of prep for the surgery I was given herbal supplements to take. Add to that, telling me to stop screaming as he sewed cadaver skin onto my rotting breasts to try to act as some kind of bandage. The screaming happened because he was sewing it on to a spot that hadn’t been numbed. Of course I left out those details. I can write about them but, as I type, I’m choking back tears.

When does this get easier??

It HAS to one of these days or I’m never going to be able to talk about this on stage. I still have hopes of turning BoobCast into a Vagina Monologues style stage show.

Do any of you know how to get speaking gigs?

For new readers, please read my earliest post in the Archives.

 

3 responses to “Talking Is Harder Than Writing

  1. Sexist Stay-at-home Father

    February 12, 2010 at 10:43 am

    I was going to come here and say something funny about the Vagina Monologues…but after reading this I’d like to offer my support. It’s pretty brutal and real, and there could be something to market. I initially thought this was a comedy post, though…

    My sister had breast cancer, she had to go chemo and radiation, but kept them, but it was harrowing for her. Anyway, just wanted to let you know you have my support.

    C

     
    • Herbwoman

      February 13, 2010 at 11:48 am

      I really appreciate the support C 🙂 As for the Vagina Monologues thing, that’s exactly the kind of thing I want to develop. Something you walk away from with a great deal to think about.

       

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