Originally written on Oct. 26, 2009
This is another one of those issues that comes with being mostly boob-less. Clothes shopping is frustrating. I feel more comfortable in the Men’s section than the Women’s. The women’s section, even if there is no one else there, is a constant reminder of what I don’t have.
It’s also more difficult to find clothes that fit. Anything that fits tightly across the chest shows the outline of my deformity. And lets face it, most women’s clothing is geared to fit close to the body and accentuate our breasts. Even the camisoles with foam cups give a minor indication that something isn’t quite right because of how the cups move since they’re not filled with breast tissue.
The men’s section offers a better selection of loose-fitting clothes. So I shop at Goodwill because I know that when this is over I can take the clothes back and donate them again. Someone else will be able to get use out of them when it’s all done.
Aside from this mangled thing that once was my chest, I think that shopping in the men’s section is one more reason I just don’t feel feminine. (see other Girly Girl posts).
Now in the movie “Dogma” the character called the Muse talked about how what defines a woman falls between two things…her legs. From a biological standpoint that IS true. Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina, after all. From a societal standpoint, however, women are judged by their breasts. If I don’t have breasts, am I still really a woman?
Breast cancer patients go through the same thing WHILE fighting a disease that could kill them. That’s why I can’t begin to compare myself to a breast cancer survivor. Not in the physical sense anyway. Mentally we go through much of the same thing. We question if we’re still actually women. We feel diminished; as though we’re somehow not fully human and wonder how our partners will EVER find us attractive again.
Yes, that complicated ball of emotions comes with clothes shopping. In the men’s section.