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Guilt

07 Jun

I don’t think I’m alone in the way I feel. I’m guessing that anyone who has ever had any sort of disabling health issue has felt guilty at some point. For me, it’s hard NOT to feel like a burden. Ken still has to do most things around the house including extracuiccular things like driving Alex back and forth to his engagements this week and two weeks ago.

I had to wake him up to redress the areas on my back because the tape had peeled up while I was taking off my cami. He has to be up at 6:30 tomorrow morning. I felt awful. I thought he had just gone in to read and here I go getting him up. I TRIED to fix it myself but I just couldn’t manage it. I feel horrible that I’m not more self sufficient.

When I was dealing with wound packing and dressing before the wound vac during the necrosis era, I did everything myself. Of course it was all on my chest so that made it easier from an access perspective. I also refused to let him see any of it until I absolutely had to. And even then I prepared him to cushion the blow.

I know he SAYS it’s no big deal and it’s just maintainence, but I still worry that I am a burden. I don’t really know what I can do to assuage that guilt other than try to do more around the house. I’m afraid if I do more though that I’ll end up having a setback like I have two previous times. I want to please him but I don’t want to hurt myself in the process.

If any of my readers have been through this i would love to hear your suggestions.

 

One response to “Guilt

  1. ajackson (@antitheistangie)

    October 26, 2011 at 1:33 am

    I know it’s long after you’ve written this, but I know how this feels. I suffer from chronic pain and social anxiety; the overflow burden that falls on my life-partner feels enormous sometimes. (After he’s worked a 12-hour shift I feel like a bitch asking him to run back out in the snow to pick me up some anti-nausea pills.)

     

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