11.03.09
Check Up Part 2
Dr. Elliott is EXTREMELY pleased with how well the Twins are doing. He’s thrilled with how much they’ve softened and how well the scars are fading. He’s also pleased with how my back looks.
While he was looking and “groping” (forgive me Dr. Elliott, I don’t know what else to call it when you check to see how they feel) we talked about the things I was curious about. First, I found out the reason my back has that plasticky feeling like someone set down a layer of plastic wrap across a wide section of my back.
The reason for that is that he basically disected my back, probably doing more surgical maneuvering back there than in my chest. The crackly feeling is where scar tissue has formed in kind of a sheet. It will probably take another six months or so for that to release. He gave the same prognosis for the numb areas, although those could take even longer.
We also talked about how subjective the term “recovery” is. You “recover” in the recovery room. You “recover” in the hospital. You “recover” after the surgery and that can take over a year dependent on which aspect of healing we’re talking about. For instance it took me about six months to get my endurance level back to where it was. Some people take more time. Others take less.
It’s subjective.
We also discussed nipple reconstruction. I told him it probably wouldn’t be until this time next year. He said it didn’t matter. We could do it tomorrow, next week or five years from now. Personally *I* was just relieved that he wasn’t planning to retire any time soon.
Another thing we touched on was doing a breast lift. His concern is that there wouldn’t be much point to it because as heavy as the Twins are, they would end up right back where they are in no time at all. I would have to lose at least 30 pounds before it would become feasible.
My big issue with that is around that point the Twins will start getting smaller. As I’ve written before, to watch them shrink away is like watching my original breasts rot away. I just can’t handle that right now. I just can’t. As i sit here typing I can feel the panic rising and the tears filling my eyes. I CAN’T lose them again.
Okay, okay, I know logically that I’m not losing them. They’re a part of me and I love them dearly. I’m just SO not ready for that. And for the first time in my life I’m content to weigh 218.
We also discussed the two little places on my sides that look like little handles. he called them puckers I think. (Dr. Elliott, if you read this please leave a comment and correct my verbage). He said they were normal and occurred as part of the surgery. We could do a little lipo to lessen them but to tuck the skin would require another incision. Dr. Elliott didn’t seem very keen on another couple of incisions on me and I’m really quite okay with that. He explained that when you do the tummy tuck type breast reconstruction you get the same thing at the hip bone area.
Dr. Elliott made a point of mentioning that he was SO happy we had gone with the latissimus flap reconstruction rather than the tummy tuck. We both had been extremely concerned about possible complications. The tummy tuck procedure simply carries more risk and more risk was the LAST thing I needed.
So all in all the Twins are doing great. He wants to see me again Aprilish for my one year check up. In the mean time I REALLY hope that he checks in. He seemed really interested in my blogs.
And in case I haven’t said it enough, he’s an amazing doctor. Every woman who has to go through reconstruction for ANY reason should go see Dr. Elliott at Atlanta Plastic Surgery (http://www.atlplastic.com).
11.02.09
Seven Month Checkup
Today I’m going to see Dr. Elliott for my seven month check up. Normally it would be six months but he cut me a little slack because life has been a bit insane lately with Ken’s new job, me taking over our business, school and general family issues.
I’m sure he’s going to say everything is okay. There are some things I want to cover with him though. First, a wide swath of my back still feels like it is covered in plastic wrap. I wish I had some other way to explain it. It just feels like a big square of my back has had a cracky plastic coating painted over the top. Or maybe like someone laid down wide strips of packing tape. I really hope he understands this analogy.
I also still have numb spots in places. The other night my right armpit itched abominably but I have no sensation in that area. You wanna talk weird? Try itching someplace that’s numb. THAT’LL throw your brain for a loop.
I also want to get his opinion on the small area of keloid scarring. Please see the entry on 9/30/09 for more about this topic. It’s not much but I think he ought to know.
I also need to tell him that we won’t be able to afford my nipple reconstruction surgery until around this time next year. Then I want to ask him what he thinks about the Japanese practice of inserting pearls under the skin for nipple protrusion. Unfortunately I cannot find a reference to that at the moment. As experienced as Dr. Elliott is though I’m sure he’s heard of it IF it’s something that is actually done.
Until recently about 2/3 of all nipple reconstructions failed. Dr. Elliott has gone to incredible lengths to reassure me that with current techniques that won’t happen. It IS normal for there to be some shrinkage though.
I’ll report more on this later.
11.01.09
Surgery #2
As my regular readers know I developed necrosis two weeks after the October 2nd breast augmentation and lift surgery in 2007. After several weeks of Hell I was scheduled for a second surgery on November 2. This surgery was for the purposes of removing the implants and the remaining necrotic tissue. We showed up in the afternoon at the surgical center – which we had to pay the fee for – I was prepped and before I knew it, part two of my nightmare had begun.
When I was able I looked at what had been done. It seemed, in retrospect, Frankenstinian. The line of vertical sutures looked like someone had whip stitched the skin together. I also found out that, on the left side, there had been a half inch spot left open.
I also found out that over 300 ccs of serous fluid had built up in each pocket. The implants were both intact. That explained the pressure and the bubble under my flesh. Fortunately this time the HiQ put in what passed for really crappy drains. He had inserted open-ended surgical tubing. The outer ends were covered in gauze to absorb the leaking serous fluid that my body produced. Compared to the closed-system drains I had after my reconstruction, these things were positively primitive.
I was also an A cup now down from a DD cup and before that a C cup. This wasn’t nesecarilly a bad thing. I finally had the ski slope breast shape I had been after from the beginning. By ski slope I mean the breasts that are heavy and rounded on the bottom and on the top the breast gently slopes down to be capped by a pert, rosy nipple.
I was just missing the nipple.
The HiQ assured me that after i had healed, we could do reconstruction. At this point I was already starting to have my doubts. But I’ll talk more about that later.
For those of you joining me from NaNoBloMo and reading my blog for the first time, please go read the first post for more information about what BoobCast is all about.
10.13.09
Nipples Revisited
This weekend Ken and I drove down to Disney’s Vero Beach Resort. They have this great little second story restaurant that overlooks the ocean. We like to go out there, watch the ocean, enjoy the breeze off the water and get a little something to nibble on.
Saturday afternoon as we were getting ready to leave a couple came up from the water and sat down. She must have been cold because her nipples were fully extended through her swimsuit.
Up until that moment I was completely satisfied with the reconstructed breasts I have. Please understand that I love my Twins. The square-ish corners have evened out nicely. They’ve got a really nice rounded look to them now. They’re also finally soft and pliable while still being somewhat firm. Even without all those changes I would still be happy beyond words to have them.
I was really startled to realize that a part of me still doesn’t feel complete. I’m definitely not mentally ready to have another surgery. Even a minor one that only involves topical tissues. If I WAS ready we can’t afford it for a while yet. The nipple reconstruction will end up being around $9,000. About $7K for the surgery and the rest is the fee for the outpatient surgical facility.
Dr. Elliott always said that I would know when I was ready to have the first surgery. He said (paraphrased) that there would come a point where the feelings I had about the mangled wreckage that once was my chest would outweigh the fears I had and I would know when I was ready.
It is the same with nipple reconstruction. I know I am not ready for another surgery yet, financial situation aside. Having that moment of realization that I miss having nipples, however, is the first step in that direction.
08.06.09
Choices To Be Made
I’ve been writing this blog for almost 150 entries now and I’ve noticed a few things. First, I get higher reader numbers when my posts have titles like: X-Rated or Boobie Boggles. Hell, that second one got the highest readership numbers yet. Second, I get more inquiries from the medically-based posts that I do.
When I talk about my experiences with the variety of issues I’ve had between the augment and lift and the reconstruction, I get more genuine questions and actual sharing of information. So with this in mind I’ve come to a conclusion.
Screw that. I’m sick of trying to get readers by luring them in with titillating titles (no pun intended). I’m just going to talk about what’s going on, what I’ve gone through and the things I’ve experienced. THAT is what helps people. If I happen to grow my readership, great. If I don’t, I’ll be sad that I’m not getting information out to more people.
I’m just not going to bend over backwards anymore trying to expand my readership the cheap, superficial way.
With that in mind, I will be going back to the beginning. I’m going to start filling in the HUGE gaps in my story. Starting Monday August 10th, BoobCast gets a do-over. I plan to start with the reason behind my initial desire to have the breast augmentation and lift.
I’ll talk about the appointments I went on, how plastic surgeons grade breast degradation and all my initial preparations. I’ll be adding more links to relevant medical sites and I’ll be putting up some photos, with the appropriate warnings and cautions when that time comes.
08.05.09
Nipples
My regular readers know that I have been researching prosthetic nipples for some time. I have been trying to decide if I was going to buy prosthetics, if I’m going to have surgery or if I’ll decide to do both. I’ve found some amazing people who hand make and hand paint nipple prosthetics. These people are real artisans. Their work looks very close to the real thing.
They use silicone rubber to create a nipple and areolae to match the client’s skin tone. They will also take a mold of an existing nipple to create the new one if someone has lost only one breast to a mastectomy.
The thing I like about silicone nipples is that at the edge it fades out. By that I mean it gets thinner and translucent so that you can see the skin through it. That makes it blend in with the rest of the breast.
What I DON’T like about prosthetic nipples is you’ve got to use adhesive to stick it to your breast mound. That adhesive lasts 5-7 days. I’ve been told that keeping skin covered with rubber that long isn’t harmful. I’ve also been told that you don’t need to give your skin a break. I know my body though. I know my skin is sensitive to adhesive. I get a rash from surgical tape.
I have also talked to Dr. Elliott a few more times. He explained to me that it is normal for nipples to reduce by about half in size. That’s why a good surgeon will compensate for that.
With all that in mind I’ve decided that I am not going to get prosthetics. I am happy just to have breasts again. It will only be about six months until I have the next surgery and I just don’t see the point right now in spending almost $200 on something I’ll only wear for the next six months.
07.28.09
Weighty Issues
In “Midnight eMails” I asked Dr. Elliott a few things I had forgotten to cover in the office. One of those things had to do with weight loss and breast volume/size. In an earlier post I talked about how terrifying it would be to lose my breasts again because I lost a lot of weight.
It turns out that because this is living tissue, I would lose volume or size if I lose more than 30 pounds. So now I have a dilemma to consider later on down the road. I have no intention right now of intentionally trying to lose weight. At least I’ll know for the future and I can make a more informed decision.
Right now I have so much more to deal with. Like healing. Healing from the next surgery. Continuing to make the mental adjustments to where I am now. All of that is enough of a task for the time being.
07.26.09
Midnight eMails
Regardless of the fact that I knew I had to be up early this morning to travel back home from Atlanta, I was down in the lounge at the Westin around midnight. I had, as usual, forgotten to ask Dr. Elliott a few things about the revision surgery we talked about at my appointment on Thursday afternoon.
We had hoped that the little spot near my cleavage would have rounded out a bit more by now, but it is still kind of squarish, So he’s going to kind of pinch that skin together to round it off. He has also suggested doing a breast lift because, as you’ve all seen from the first photo, the Twins are kind of droopy.
Of course, as part of my late night meanderings, I did research on various types of breast lifts. He did not mention a specific type. However in his reply to my email he DID say that there would be no new scars. He would simply make use of the ones I have now. This leads me to believe that he’s thinking of using THIS type of lift: http://www.breastlift4you.com/techniques_incisions.htm
As you can see, this type of crescent incision would use the scars I already have and would be a moderate lift. If the lift is included in the cost of the revisions and nipple creation, I have the general attitude of “Why the hell not?”. He’s going to be doing surgery anyway and I’m paying for it so why not just do the “one stop shop” deal and get it all done and over with at the same time? Dr. Elliott is enough of a pro to be able to do it and do it well.
There ARE other types of breast lifts that, as with the crescent lift above, do not reduce breast tissue volume the way the Anchor Lift does. http://www.plasticsurgery4u.com/procedure_folder/breast_ptosis_surgery2.html This site shows some good examples of the Donut and Lollipop lift.
I always feel better after talking with Dr. Elliott. So I think that, when we can manage the cost, I’ll be having the revision surgery. One thing I learned from my mother-in-law before she died was :Never Settle. So I might as well get what I want.
07.24.09
Nip Tuck It
Since we had to be in Atlanta anyway I got an appointment with Dr. Elliott. He ended up excising about 100 ccs of fluid from the same general area on my back. No big deal. It’s common with this type of surgery. I’ve gone over that before.
Something else he mentioned after doing the medical groping to check my progress was the revisions. He’s really good at what he does but sometimes skin doesn’t knit together quite the way you’d expect so there are little places that could be nipped and tucked to improve the overall appearance.
One of the things was smoothing out the corners. In my opinion there is a spot on the right inside next to my cleavage that looks a bit squared off. That should have smoothed out by now but it hasn’t.
Another thing he mentioned is possibly doing a lift. I sort of froze like a deer in headlights for a few moments there. The lift was one of the reasons I lost my nipples last time. Of course I know there are no nipples to lose this time, I have to wonder HOW he’d do the lift without making them smaller. I’m also not too excited about the possibility of more scars.
Time to do some research on that.
Either way I let him know that I would most definitely NOT be opting for another surgery any time soon. Right now I don’t care about the oddly shaped corner or the slight pendulous appearance. I love my new breasts and I’m happy with what I have.
Right now I’m even happy with what I DON’T have. I’m content with not having nipples. That may change again as my mood is rather changeable. Dr. Elliott told me in our first consultation that there would come a time when I would be ready and I’ll know if or when that time comes.
In the mean time I’m protective of what I have and I’ll keep the Twins just the way they are for the time being.
07.19.09
Briefs
***I’m STILL waiting for a call from Dr. Elliott regarding the whole weight loss/losing boobie volume issue. This is really the first time I’ve actually been truly disappointed with him. He didn’t call last week nor did his PA. Needless to say I’m somewhat miffed. I’ll be looking for an explanation when I call on Monday. I know he sees patients then.
***I heard back from Paul about the prosthetic nipples. He said he can do anything I want. So NOW all I have to do is decide what I want. Not as easy as it sounds. If I decide not to opt for surgery, these babies are my nips for life. Or until the wear out and I have to get new ones.
Mail order nipples… Now THERE’S a modern concept for ya.
***A friend of mine from another site who just recently started reading my blog said that I need to “pull myself out of the Abyss”. Someone else pointed out that the word “survivor” is frequently used as a crutch. Now THAT took the wind out of my sails. Those two comments have me wondering just how much of this blog consists of me whining about how truly awful things have been. I would LIKE to think that there is some helpful information in all of this. As for pulling myself out of the Abyss, THAT is what this blog is about for me. I have been in some very dark places since this all began. The things I’ve been discussing are surface issues by comparison. I know I still have healing to do.
There are times when I’m not very good at recognizing my limitations and boundaries. This is one of those times. I’m still somewhat enmeshed in the misery I suffered. Some days it clings to me like cobwebs. I wonder how much longer this sorrow will be with me. I suspect it will be years more because I have a book to write.
I also have allowed a few people to have a great deal of influence in my life. I wonder sometimes how much I’m doing just to make them happy and how much of what I do are things that *I* want for me. It’s difficult when I can’t seem to separate my desires from theirs FOR me. Not long ago I was explaining to someone that I tend to analyze the crap out of everything. So I am. It’s just part of the “Maria” package.
***That troublesome spot on my back has mostly scabbed over. Now it’s just a matter of time before it completely heals up. The wet-to-dry bandages really helped. The other side that had separated and scabbed is healed up now and has blended into the rest of the scar line.
***Intimacy has the most beautiful bras and panties for DDD+ cup sizes. The engineering that goes into these bras is phenomenal. Unfortunately, their customer service is HORRIBLE! I’ve had to keep calling multiple times to check on a back order. I called three times and left two messages before someone called me back to let me know that my original fitter was no longer with the company. Then it took 20 minutes for them to find my original back order paperwork and verify that those items were ones I still wanted. At that point, after being placed on hold for about 5 minutes I was told they were out of stock but would be getting them in soon.
Six weeks later I got a message saying that my back order was in. So I called back, ended up leaving two messages in a week and FINALLY got a human being a week after that. It took another 20 minutes to find and verify my back order ONLY to be told that they were out of one item that I ordered and it would have to be shipped from the Boston store.
If Intimacy could just get their act together customer service-wise, they would be more popular than Victoria’s Secret. Intimacy’s lingerie is better made, more supportive and will last longer. PLUS they offer life time tailoring. If you lose a substantial amount of weight, they will tailor your bras to fit as many times as you want.
