08.05.09
Nipples
My regular readers know that I have been researching prosthetic nipples for some time. I have been trying to decide if I was going to buy prosthetics, if I’m going to have surgery or if I’ll decide to do both. I’ve found some amazing people who hand make and hand paint nipple prosthetics. These people are real artisans. Their work looks very close to the real thing.
They use silicone rubber to create a nipple and areolae to match the client’s skin tone. They will also take a mold of an existing nipple to create the new one if someone has lost only one breast to a mastectomy.
The thing I like about silicone nipples is that at the edge it fades out. By that I mean it gets thinner and translucent so that you can see the skin through it. That makes it blend in with the rest of the breast.
What I DON’T like about prosthetic nipples is you’ve got to use adhesive to stick it to your breast mound. That adhesive lasts 5-7 days. I’ve been told that keeping skin covered with rubber that long isn’t harmful. I’ve also been told that you don’t need to give your skin a break. I know my body though. I know my skin is sensitive to adhesive. I get a rash from surgical tape.
I have also talked to Dr. Elliott a few more times. He explained to me that it is normal for nipples to reduce by about half in size. That’s why a good surgeon will compensate for that.
With all that in mind I’ve decided that I am not going to get prosthetics. I am happy just to have breasts again. It will only be about six months until I have the next surgery and I just don’t see the point right now in spending almost $200 on something I’ll only wear for the next six months.
07.28.09
Weighty Issues
In “Midnight eMails” I asked Dr. Elliott a few things I had forgotten to cover in the office. One of those things had to do with weight loss and breast volume/size. In an earlier post I talked about how terrifying it would be to lose my breasts again because I lost a lot of weight.
It turns out that because this is living tissue, I would lose volume or size if I lose more than 30 pounds. So now I have a dilemma to consider later on down the road. I have no intention right now of intentionally trying to lose weight. At least I’ll know for the future and I can make a more informed decision.
Right now I have so much more to deal with. Like healing. Healing from the next surgery. Continuing to make the mental adjustments to where I am now. All of that is enough of a task for the time being.
07.26.09
Midnight eMails
Regardless of the fact that I knew I had to be up early this morning to travel back home from Atlanta, I was down in the lounge at the Westin around midnight. I had, as usual, forgotten to ask Dr. Elliott a few things about the revision surgery we talked about at my appointment on Thursday afternoon.
We had hoped that the little spot near my cleavage would have rounded out a bit more by now, but it is still kind of squarish, So he’s going to kind of pinch that skin together to round it off. He has also suggested doing a breast lift because, as you’ve all seen from the first photo, the Twins are kind of droopy.
Of course, as part of my late night meanderings, I did research on various types of breast lifts. He did not mention a specific type. However in his reply to my email he DID say that there would be no new scars. He would simply make use of the ones I have now. This leads me to believe that he’s thinking of using THIS type of lift: http://www.breastlift4you.com/techniques_incisions.htm
As you can see, this type of crescent incision would use the scars I already have and would be a moderate lift. If the lift is included in the cost of the revisions and nipple creation, I have the general attitude of “Why the hell not?”. He’s going to be doing surgery anyway and I’m paying for it so why not just do the “one stop shop” deal and get it all done and over with at the same time? Dr. Elliott is enough of a pro to be able to do it and do it well.
There ARE other types of breast lifts that, as with the crescent lift above, do not reduce breast tissue volume the way the Anchor Lift does. http://www.plasticsurgery4u.com/procedure_folder/breast_ptosis_surgery2.html This site shows some good examples of the Donut and Lollipop lift.
I always feel better after talking with Dr. Elliott. So I think that, when we can manage the cost, I’ll be having the revision surgery. One thing I learned from my mother-in-law before she died was :Never Settle. So I might as well get what I want.
07.19.09
Briefs
***I’m STILL waiting for a call from Dr. Elliott regarding the whole weight loss/losing boobie volume issue. This is really the first time I’ve actually been truly disappointed with him. He didn’t call last week nor did his PA. Needless to say I’m somewhat miffed. I’ll be looking for an explanation when I call on Monday. I know he sees patients then.
***I heard back from Paul about the prosthetic nipples. He said he can do anything I want. So NOW all I have to do is decide what I want. Not as easy as it sounds. If I decide not to opt for surgery, these babies are my nips for life. Or until the wear out and I have to get new ones.
Mail order nipples… Now THERE’S a modern concept for ya.
***A friend of mine from another site who just recently started reading my blog said that I need to “pull myself out of the Abyss”. Someone else pointed out that the word “survivor” is frequently used as a crutch. Now THAT took the wind out of my sails. Those two comments have me wondering just how much of this blog consists of me whining about how truly awful things have been. I would LIKE to think that there is some helpful information in all of this. As for pulling myself out of the Abyss, THAT is what this blog is about for me. I have been in some very dark places since this all began. The things I’ve been discussing are surface issues by comparison. I know I still have healing to do.
There are times when I’m not very good at recognizing my limitations and boundaries. This is one of those times. I’m still somewhat enmeshed in the misery I suffered. Some days it clings to me like cobwebs. I wonder how much longer this sorrow will be with me. I suspect it will be years more because I have a book to write.
I also have allowed a few people to have a great deal of influence in my life. I wonder sometimes how much I’m doing just to make them happy and how much of what I do are things that *I* want for me. It’s difficult when I can’t seem to separate my desires from theirs FOR me. Not long ago I was explaining to someone that I tend to analyze the crap out of everything. So I am. It’s just part of the “Maria” package.
***That troublesome spot on my back has mostly scabbed over. Now it’s just a matter of time before it completely heals up. The wet-to-dry bandages really helped. The other side that had separated and scabbed is healed up now and has blended into the rest of the scar line.
***Intimacy has the most beautiful bras and panties for DDD+ cup sizes. The engineering that goes into these bras is phenomenal. Unfortunately, their customer service is HORRIBLE! I’ve had to keep calling multiple times to check on a back order. I called three times and left two messages before someone called me back to let me know that my original fitter was no longer with the company. Then it took 20 minutes for them to find my original back order paperwork and verify that those items were ones I still wanted. At that point, after being placed on hold for about 5 minutes I was told they were out of stock but would be getting them in soon.
Six weeks later I got a message saying that my back order was in. So I called back, ended up leaving two messages in a week and FINALLY got a human being a week after that. It took another 20 minutes to find and verify my back order ONLY to be told that they were out of one item that I ordered and it would have to be shipped from the Boston store.
If Intimacy could just get their act together customer service-wise, they would be more popular than Victoria’s Secret. Intimacy’s lingerie is better made, more supportive and will last longer. PLUS they offer life time tailoring. If you lose a substantial amount of weight, they will tailor your bras to fit as many times as you want.
07.16.09
Someone Else’s Nipples 2
I’ve got to say that my meeting with Beach Gal (she asked that I not mention her name), was probably the most bizarre meeting I have ever had. We met at the Wal-Mart Ladies room and stepped into the handicapped stall. After talking for a few minutes about how happy she was to be able to help me out, she showed me the prosthetics on her breasts.
Paul matched her skin tone beautifully. They looked like real nipples and areolae. I was just surprised to see that they looked so…perfect. There was no asymmetry that I could see. They looked like circular cut outs.
It has been so long since I’ve really SEEN nipples that I had literally forgotten that they’re SUPPOSED to be that round. It took me coming home and looking on the net to confirm that, yes, that’s how they’re supposed to look. That’s how they look in nature.
Beach Gal also suggested something that I had never even thought of. Her idea was for me to make paper cutouts of different sizes and see which size looks the best on me. Sheer genius!
So I have an art project ahead of me. I’m not in as much of a hurry to do this as I thought I would be. I’m content for the moment. But as we all know, that’s subject to change from moment to moment.
07.14.09
Someone Else’s Nipples
The topic I’m revisiting today is prosthetic nipples.
I just got off the phone with a woman who actually HAS a pair of Paul Tanner’s prosthetic nipples http://tinyurl.com/lbfvha. Like me, she scoured the net for realistic nipple prosthesis. She had seen the results of what happens when reconstruction goes horribly awry. The person she told me about ended up with very uneven nipples and a really bad tattooing job. That’s not the only unsatisfactory results she has seen and heard of.
With the nipples she got from Paul, however, she is SO pleased that she doesn’t plan on having nipple reconstruction surgery. The only minor thing she talked about was that they felt a little bit heavy. There is an adhesive that goes on the back of them and then sticks to your skin. It lasts for 3-5 days. You can even SWIM in these!!
I’m meeting with her later today to see the actual prosthetics. She was really excited to show them to me and I’m actually excited to see them. We both agrees that, yes, it sounds kind of weird. BUT we both agreed that seeing them would actually help me make a more informed decision. After all, looking at pictures is hardly the same as actually seeing them in person and perhaps getting to touch them.
I’m really starting to repeat myself with the “I’ll report back” bit. Once I’ve seen these, I’ll let you all know more.
07.10.09
A Tad Bit Nipply
Remember that classic Christmas son “All I Want For Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth)? Well, all *I* want in time for DragonCon is a pair of high quality hand made silicone prosthetic nipples.
I’ve looked at the pre-made ones and they’re terrible. Sure, under a SHIRT they look like nipples, but in no way shape or form could THIS ever be considered a proper nipple: http://tinyurl.com/m7emlr
Granted, they call them nipple enhancers. But they also tout them as prosthetic nipples. I’ve read posts on breast cancer forums where these are considered acceptable replacements for real nipples.
Reforma nipples are a bit better http://tinyurl.com/npazs9 They’re thinner and more pliant. Unfortunately they’re still not what I would consider a really good replacement.
The best type of nipple prosthetic that I have found are made of silicone. They are molded to your breast mound for the best fit and then hand painted to match your other breast. In MY case, or in the case of both breasts being taken, the artists I have talked to will use a sister or daughter as a model.
I have neither. Well, I have four half sisters, but two of them I’m not talking to and two of them, no one knows where they are for sure.
Here is an example of the kind of nipple prosthetics ALL women should be wearing if they decide not to opt for nipple reconstruction:http://tinyurl.com/likqgb Life is just far too short to settle for something that doesn’t make you completely happy. Especially when it comes to your mental well-being.
In my research I talked not only to the gentleman who created these, but also two other prosthetic artists. One insisted that I had to be fitted there at her office. The second suggested two places here in Florida. One is in Naples and the other is in Gainesville. I will be contacting the artist in Gainsville first since they’re closer. Of course once I know more I’ll post about it. Eventually there will be a shot of me wearing the new prosthetics.
07.08.09
The Check Up
This afternoon I’ve got an appointment with Dr. Guy, the local Uber plastic surgeon. She’ll be checking on the progress of the tissue overgrowth on my back in that one spot. According to Hubby, who can actually SEE what’s going on back there, it’s closing up FINALLY. I’m still going to hold off on wearing bras for a few more weeks though. Just to give that spot time to FULLY heal.
I’ve also found a way to make these shelf bra camis more supportive. There’s a bra-maker supply shop here (http://www.bramakerssupply.com) that has everything I need to replace these flimsy straps with wider ones. The elastic under the breasts is pretty wide already so i won’t have to replace that. All I have to do is hand dye the new shoulder straps to match and sew them in. VOILA! New, supportive cami shelf bras. Since I live in Florida, wearing two tops in the middle of summer is just too hot. So this solves both the problem of support and the heat issue. I’ll post pics when they’re done.
The *other* checking up thing I have to do is call Patti at Dr. Elliott’s office. She was supposed to call me about where I could get silicone prosthetic nipples locally. Since I don’t have an existing nipple to be cast and copied I may not have to see someone to be fitted. But then as large as the new Twins are, I may. I have NO idea ho that works really.
That’s one more thing I’ll have to report back on one I know something. I REALLY want to have the prosthetics in time for DragonCon. I’m still REALLY not in a head space for another surgery yet. Even if I COULD afford it right now, the last thing I’m looking forward to is being cut on more even if it IS just minor, in-patient surgery.
I’m afraid I can’t find any photos of the star flap nipple reconstruction. I did put up a link in an earlier post though. I’ll dig around and see what I can find and edit this post if I can find an appropriate image.
07.02.09
Nipples Or Not
For my regular readers, do you remember when I was vacillating about surgeons or even whether or not to HAVE another surgery? Well it’s that time again. This time I’m starting to research and contemplate nipple reconstruction.
I read some older articles that indicated that up to 40% of all nipple reconstructions fail. Most flatten out within 6 to 18 months. There is also a higher incident of infection and necrosis according to those older statistics.
THEN I talked to Dr. Elliott. He explained that those complications are not as frequent anymore. In the last two years or so surgical techniques have been greatly improved. He reassured me that usually those complications are due to poor blood supply. My tissue is healthy, according to him. He also went to lengths to reassure me that recovery time is going to be greatly reduced since this is an out patient procedure only dealing with topical tissue.
He also suggested that I research the Star Flap Nipple Reconstruction. The link shows the basic steps starting at Media 7 http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1274411-media – star flap That’s the nipple flap reconstruction he wants to ue for me. He believes that specific type of flap reconstruction will work the best.
I really don’t want to have ANOTHER surgery so soon. I’d rather wait until this winter. So in the interrim, I’m going to get prosthetic nipples. Dr. Elliott is having his PA, Patti Bergley, look into it and see what she can find out for me. I’m expecting her to call today.
Talking to Dr. Elliott made me feel more comfortable about my outcome. I’m still tempted to get a second opinion when I go back to see Dr. Guy’s people in another week about the tissue growth isue on my back. I’d like to see what she has to say too.
The problem is now really the cost. Nipple reconstruction and any tweaking that needs to be done for aesthetics will cost us an additional $7000 on top of the $18000 we have already paid AND the $6000+ we still owe the hospital and the anesthesiologist. Nipple prosthetics on the other hand are only around $200 per pair for the really good silicone ones.
Really, I don’t think that it’s so much a matter of “if”. It is now a matter of “when”.
06.23.09
9 1/2 Weeks
From the title of the post, it’s pretty obvious what today’s topic is.
Medical updates.
The spot on my back is still troublesome. It’s not really getting any better. I’m still not too worried about it though as no one else at Dr. Elliott’s office is overly concerned. Last night Ken said he thinks I should “be seen” by Dr. Elliott’s contemporary down here, Dr. Roxanne Guy. I have an appointment for Thursday.
Honestly, I am SICK of “being seen”. I am SO over all of this medical crap. I just want to get ON with my life. I think that’s part of the reason I’ve started doing Ta Ta Tuesday. Even though I may not be completely done with all of this, I want to start enjoying the completion of the major stage.
The nurse at Dr. Elliott’s office had suggested that I wait another month to take the tape off the suture line. I got tired of waiting so I went ahead and took the tapes off four days early. Really I could have taken the tapes off at 6 weeks but I tend to be overly cautious as far as suture lines go.
I haven’t taken any acetaminophen for pain in a few days. I’m happy about that. It’s definitely a few steps ahead of where I was. My endurance, however, is another matter all together. I used to be able to be at Disney for anywhere from 12 to 14 hours. Now I can’t walk around for more than a couple hours without getting worn out. It’s possible that the heat could be exacerbating the issue, but I just don’t think so.
Mobility is another issue. I can raise my left arm all the way up next to my head. The skin in my armpit is still a little tight. My right arm is another matter. I can only raise it at a 55 or 60 degree angle without tightness and pain. It HAS improved since surgery. It’s just improving more slowly.
Emotionally I’m doing better, as the idea of TaTa Tuesday shows. I’m still trying to decide if I want to take a chance on nipple reconstruction. Some articles say that in experienced hands the failure rate is less than 2%. On other websites I’ve read women’s stories of how their nipples flattened out between six months to 2 years. There was also a fairly high incident of infection.
I have emailed Dr. Elliott and asked him to suggest someone who makes custom silicone nipples and write a letter of request. Every prosthetics maker I have found that does really good hand painted nipples requires a letter from a physician. Even if I decide to have the surgery later, I will still have the prosthetics in the mean time.
