11.04.09
Check Up Part 3
I forgot to include something in yesterday’s post. Dr. Elliott had mentioned that he wanted to make sure that my breast tissue has become softer. For the first few weeks right after surgery, my new boobies were really hard and stiff. They were actually very hard. It reminded me of how hard my breasts were after the initial implant surgery.
I pointed out a place across the top of my left breast that, to me, felt harder that the rest of the breast tissue. After gently prodding at it a bit in examination Dr. Elliott explained that the harder area is the top of the muscle flap. He also explained that in comparison to what HE meant my hard it was actually very soft and pliant.
Something that I found to be extremely bizarre is that where I thought had keloid scarring, upon examination, appeared to have nothing of the sort. I am chalking this up to a slightly poor fitting Caique bra from Lane Bryant. It is just a little too small and it makes the scar line feel a little lumpy after a whole day of wearing that type of bra.
That’s one more reason to have a proper bra fitting done. Even if you think it’s been done properly, sometimes it hasn’t. Even though their customer service is really, REALLY bad,
11.03.09
Check Up Part 2
Dr. Elliott is EXTREMELY pleased with how well the Twins are doing. He’s thrilled with how much they’ve softened and how well the scars are fading. He’s also pleased with how my back looks.
While he was looking and “groping” (forgive me Dr. Elliott, I don’t know what else to call it when you check to see how they feel) we talked about the things I was curious about. First, I found out the reason my back has that plasticky feeling like someone set down a layer of plastic wrap across a wide section of my back.
The reason for that is that he basically disected my back, probably doing more surgical maneuvering back there than in my chest. The crackly feeling is where scar tissue has formed in kind of a sheet. It will probably take another six months or so for that to release. He gave the same prognosis for the numb areas, although those could take even longer.
We also talked about how subjective the term “recovery” is. You “recover” in the recovery room. You “recover” in the hospital. You “recover” after the surgery and that can take over a year dependent on which aspect of healing we’re talking about. For instance it took me about six months to get my endurance level back to where it was. Some people take more time. Others take less.
It’s subjective.
We also discussed nipple reconstruction. I told him it probably wouldn’t be until this time next year. He said it didn’t matter. We could do it tomorrow, next week or five years from now. Personally *I* was just relieved that he wasn’t planning to retire any time soon.
Another thing we touched on was doing a breast lift. His concern is that there wouldn’t be much point to it because as heavy as the Twins are, they would end up right back where they are in no time at all. I would have to lose at least 30 pounds before it would become feasible.
My big issue with that is around that point the Twins will start getting smaller. As I’ve written before, to watch them shrink away is like watching my original breasts rot away. I just can’t handle that right now. I just can’t. As i sit here typing I can feel the panic rising and the tears filling my eyes. I CAN’T lose them again.
Okay, okay, I know logically that I’m not losing them. They’re a part of me and I love them dearly. I’m just SO not ready for that. And for the first time in my life I’m content to weigh 218.
We also discussed the two little places on my sides that look like little handles. he called them puckers I think. (Dr. Elliott, if you read this please leave a comment and correct my verbage). He said they were normal and occurred as part of the surgery. We could do a little lipo to lessen them but to tuck the skin would require another incision. Dr. Elliott didn’t seem very keen on another couple of incisions on me and I’m really quite okay with that. He explained that when you do the tummy tuck type breast reconstruction you get the same thing at the hip bone area.
Dr. Elliott made a point of mentioning that he was SO happy we had gone with the latissimus flap reconstruction rather than the tummy tuck. We both had been extremely concerned about possible complications. The tummy tuck procedure simply carries more risk and more risk was the LAST thing I needed.
So all in all the Twins are doing great. He wants to see me again Aprilish for my one year check up. In the mean time I REALLY hope that he checks in. He seemed really interested in my blogs.
And in case I haven’t said it enough, he’s an amazing doctor. Every woman who has to go through reconstruction for ANY reason should go see Dr. Elliott at Atlanta Plastic Surgery (http://www.atlplastic.com).
10.13.09
Nipples Revisited
This weekend Ken and I drove down to Disney’s Vero Beach Resort. They have this great little second story restaurant that overlooks the ocean. We like to go out there, watch the ocean, enjoy the breeze off the water and get a little something to nibble on.
Saturday afternoon as we were getting ready to leave a couple came up from the water and sat down. She must have been cold because her nipples were fully extended through her swimsuit.
Up until that moment I was completely satisfied with the reconstructed breasts I have. Please understand that I love my Twins. The square-ish corners have evened out nicely. They’ve got a really nice rounded look to them now. They’re also finally soft and pliable while still being somewhat firm. Even without all those changes I would still be happy beyond words to have them.
I was really startled to realize that a part of me still doesn’t feel complete. I’m definitely not mentally ready to have another surgery. Even a minor one that only involves topical tissues. If I WAS ready we can’t afford it for a while yet. The nipple reconstruction will end up being around $9,000. About $7K for the surgery and the rest is the fee for the outpatient surgical facility.
Dr. Elliott always said that I would know when I was ready to have the first surgery. He said (paraphrased) that there would come a point where the feelings I had about the mangled wreckage that once was my chest would outweigh the fears I had and I would know when I was ready.
It is the same with nipple reconstruction. I know I am not ready for another surgery yet, financial situation aside. Having that moment of realization that I miss having nipples, however, is the first step in that direction.
10.01.09
Things They Don’t Tell You
As I continue to heal I figure things out. The latest is the reason my chest ached for longer than it could have. Keep in mind before the initial surgery I was a B+/C- cup. Little boobies…by comparison anyway.
I had heard about back pain caused by larger breasts but no one ever told me that they could ache and hurt just from their own weight. For quite a while after the surgery I wore shelf bras because they were so comfortable. Even after I was cleared to wear a bra, I still, for some time, preferred to wear the shelf bras.
BUT when I did, there were times when my cleavage ached as though there was a small elephant standing on it. It wasn’t until I talked to my best friend about it. Her girls are almost the same size as mine and are completely natural so I know she has experience with this.
I’m just chalking this up to another thing they just don’t think to tell you.
08.07.09
Why The Reboot?
I mentioned in yesterday’s blog post that as of Monday I would be starting my story over from the beginning. I’m sure many of you are wondering why. If you go back to my early blog posts you’ll see that although there is a little bit of detail, there are some unanswered questions.
When I first started this blog I was very emotionally unstable. I left out a great deal of detail simply because it was far too painful for me to talk about then. Now that I can think more clearly and have more distance, I can tell my story much better. The more details I can convey, the more benefit this blog has for you, the reader.
I’ll be taking the weekend off. Starting Monday 9/10/09 I’ll start back at the beginning. By the beginning, I mean I’ll talk about the self esteem issues behind the first plastic surgery and the role I feel society and commercialism contributes to low self esteem. In subsequent episodes I’ll also be talking about tuberous breasts and why they are considered a deformity.
To quote Heath Ledger’s character William in “A Knight’s Tale”: Welcome to New World. God save you, if it is right that he should do so.
07.30.09
Evening Out
When I first had the reconstruction surgery on April 16th, and for some time after, it seemed to me as though my new right breast was bigger than the left. That is, of course, normal for women who are right-side dominant. But this was WAY out of proportion from what I could see.
Why? Because when you use one side more than the other, that right pectoral muscle is going to build up more and so the right breast (or left if you’re left handed) will be a bit larger.
Last night I took some time to really look in the mirror. Yes the right breast is still just a little bit bigger than the left. But not nearly as much as it was. I can only guess that whatever swelling there was has *finally* gone down all the way. So my breasts are evening out after three and a half months. YAY for progress!
07.29.09
Under-Do??
I found this old draft and thought I would revisit some of the more pertinent issues I dealt with during my process. This post was originally started on 4/27/09, 11 days after my latissimus flap breast reconstruction surgery.
It seems as though practically over night, the color of the drainage has gone from Ruby Grapefruit to Apple Juice. I’m taking that as an encouraging sign. Although when I wake up, my back still feels like there are rocks under my skin.
Moving definitely helps. Though I’m not sure how much is too much. I don’t want to over do and hurt myself that way. But it seems that under-doing is just as bad and has the potential for lengthening my recovery. So I’m doing something I hate to do. I’ve told Ken that when he sees fit, if I’m not in pain, he’s to take me for a walk.
Poor Ken has to do so much. Not only is he taking care of me but he’s also keeping up with the household needs and the business. I’ve been so out of it, I’ve actually had to ask him on numerous occasions WHEN I need to take my meds.
The pain meds are really helpful but they’re draining me of the ability to think. It takes me about 30 minutes to write one of these daily entries. Granted, I am a lightweight when it comes to intoxication of any sort. But it’s still frustrating. I feel disjointed and I have no memory.
Eleven days after surgery I’m guessing that’s to be expected. It’s just really frustrating not being able to remember things that are really important. Like how long ago I took meds that could REALLY mess me up if I forget and take a double dosage. If I wait TOO long though, then there’s real trouble with the pain. Once the meds start wearing off, my options are 1) Take more or 2) Sit very, very still until I CAN take more.
The bad part is that if I wait, the it takes longer for the meds to kick in and they’re not as effective because they have more pain to battle. So I’m walking a very fine line here. And this is a line that my dear Hubby is in charge of because my brain is about as useful as cottage cheese.
07.28.09
Weighty Issues
In “Midnight eMails” I asked Dr. Elliott a few things I had forgotten to cover in the office. One of those things had to do with weight loss and breast volume/size. In an earlier post I talked about how terrifying it would be to lose my breasts again because I lost a lot of weight.
It turns out that because this is living tissue, I would lose volume or size if I lose more than 30 pounds. So now I have a dilemma to consider later on down the road. I have no intention right now of intentionally trying to lose weight. At least I’ll know for the future and I can make a more informed decision.
Right now I have so much more to deal with. Like healing. Healing from the next surgery. Continuing to make the mental adjustments to where I am now. All of that is enough of a task for the time being.
07.26.09
Midnight eMails
Regardless of the fact that I knew I had to be up early this morning to travel back home from Atlanta, I was down in the lounge at the Westin around midnight. I had, as usual, forgotten to ask Dr. Elliott a few things about the revision surgery we talked about at my appointment on Thursday afternoon.
We had hoped that the little spot near my cleavage would have rounded out a bit more by now, but it is still kind of squarish, So he’s going to kind of pinch that skin together to round it off. He has also suggested doing a breast lift because, as you’ve all seen from the first photo, the Twins are kind of droopy.
Of course, as part of my late night meanderings, I did research on various types of breast lifts. He did not mention a specific type. However in his reply to my email he DID say that there would be no new scars. He would simply make use of the ones I have now. This leads me to believe that he’s thinking of using THIS type of lift: http://www.breastlift4you.com/techniques_incisions.htm
As you can see, this type of crescent incision would use the scars I already have and would be a moderate lift. If the lift is included in the cost of the revisions and nipple creation, I have the general attitude of “Why the hell not?”. He’s going to be doing surgery anyway and I’m paying for it so why not just do the “one stop shop” deal and get it all done and over with at the same time? Dr. Elliott is enough of a pro to be able to do it and do it well.
There ARE other types of breast lifts that, as with the crescent lift above, do not reduce breast tissue volume the way the Anchor Lift does. http://www.plasticsurgery4u.com/procedure_folder/breast_ptosis_surgery2.html This site shows some good examples of the Donut and Lollipop lift.
I always feel better after talking with Dr. Elliott. So I think that, when we can manage the cost, I’ll be having the revision surgery. One thing I learned from my mother-in-law before she died was :Never Settle. So I might as well get what I want.
07.25.09
BoobCast In Real Life
A couple nights ago Ken and I were in the lobby bar of the Westin Hotel in Atlanta. We were celebrating his new job by having a couple glasses of wine while we caught up on work. Yeah, I know. Not much of a celebration. But it put me in the right place at the right time.
There were three people talking over drinks and the woman, who was already knee deep in one martini started to poke fun at us for sitting over in the corner typing away instead of socializing. So, not wanting to be TOTAL geeks, we put down the laptops and joined them for a couple rounds.
Of course as people are wont to do while being “socially lubricated”, the guy blurted out that the woman wanted bigger boobs. Yes. Out of the blue. For no apparent reason. Now me, already being slightly tipsy, I just kept quiet. But Ken popped up ad started talking about how I had problems with my own cosmetic surgery.
So I gave the brief, horrific version about loosing most of both my breasts because of the idiot doctor I had and his inability to recognize or deal with complications. I also explained all the things about implants that I’ve already talked about here.
She, however, wanting to make her point, said that she wanted to show me something. So she got up and stumbled over, almost falling on Ken, to kneel in front of me and show me the water balloon thingie in her wonder bra. This woman was a MILF (of 3) on par with Kate Hudson or Kate Beckinsdale. Every guy (and bi/lez woman) in the bar was watching her.
I proceeded to explain to her JUST how STUNNING she already was. I let her know that the guy she was with already loved her for who she was. He didn’t want her to get implants either. I let her know that she was an amazing, smart, beautiful, sexy woman just the way she was. What she NEEDED to do was to love herself the way he loved her. She needed to learn to accept that she already WAS beautiful and she didn’t need “improvements”.
She didn’t say anything but she gripped my wrists hard and stared into my eyes. I think I made a difference. At least I would like to hope that I did.
