11.04.09
Check Up Part 3
I forgot to include something in yesterday’s post. Dr. Elliott had mentioned that he wanted to make sure that my breast tissue has become softer. For the first few weeks right after surgery, my new boobies were really hard and stiff. They were actually very hard. It reminded me of how hard my breasts were after the initial implant surgery.
I pointed out a place across the top of my left breast that, to me, felt harder that the rest of the breast tissue. After gently prodding at it a bit in examination Dr. Elliott explained that the harder area is the top of the muscle flap. He also explained that in comparison to what HE meant my hard it was actually very soft and pliant.
Something that I found to be extremely bizarre is that where I thought had keloid scarring, upon examination, appeared to have nothing of the sort. I am chalking this up to a slightly poor fitting Caique bra from Lane Bryant. It is just a little too small and it makes the scar line feel a little lumpy after a whole day of wearing that type of bra.
That’s one more reason to have a proper bra fitting done. Even if you think it’s been done properly, sometimes it hasn’t. Even though their customer service is really, REALLY bad,
08.03.09
Boobie Boggles
When I was cleared to wear bras I went and spent insane amounts of money on five bras and matching panties. They’re all gorgeous and lacey and flowery and they really make me feel feminine when I wear them. They’re also not very utilitarian. Sure I can wear them as my daily bras but they just don’t look good under certain tops.
My Prima Donna bras, because they’re embroidered and have little flowers on some of them, just don’t work under form-fitting tops. You can see the fabric of the bras through clothes like that. Because of that, I went bra shopping at Lane Bryant on Saturday afternoon.
Lane Bryant sizes bras with a tape measure. This is completely unlike the visual measuring system that the ladies at Intimacy use. Lane Bryant (referred to as LB from this point forward) measures at the rib cage, at the nipple and at the top of the breast. According to their measurements, I am a 38 band size and a DD cup.
I have not lost weight and my Intimacy bras still fit perfectly. The Cacique bras carried by LB fit me FAR differently than the Intimacy bras. I ended up with four full coverage soft cup bras in a 40DD by that company. I must have tried on 15 different bras before they found what fit right. I even tried on a 44 band size and it was REALLY big on me. You could have fit kittens in the cups along with the Twins because the gap was so big. The woman helping me also pulled the band away from my body probably about 4-6 inches.
It just boggles my mind that a thing that is supposed to be engineered to fit and support our assets can have that wide a range in size on the same person. You’d think there would be consistency in bras and bra makers.
The lady who assisted me gave me a great hint for how to know if a bra fits really well or not. First you’ve got to bend over and adjusted your girls so that they’re fully in the cup, including the sides. That stuff that’s flopping over your side strap? That’s also part of your breast. If your bra does that, it’s too small.
If you raise both arms all the way up and the bridge between the two cups comes off your breast bone, the bra is too big. If the bridge doesn’t lie flat against your breastbone at all, the bra is too small. If someone can pull the back strap out away from your body more than a couple fingers wide, the bra is too big. This is an excellent example of someone wearing the wrong sized bra and exactly what’s wrong: http://tinyurl.com/caengb
This is why it’s important for every woman to be professionally fitted. It’s up to us. We have to take care of our Boobies the best that we can. Most women are wearing the wrong sized bra because they don’t know any better. You have a responsibility to yourself to get out there and get educated. Find a local lingere store and see if they do bra fittings. You don’t even have to buy anything from the shop. Just get fitted and find out what band and cup size you REALLY are.
07.19.09
Briefs
***I’m STILL waiting for a call from Dr. Elliott regarding the whole weight loss/losing boobie volume issue. This is really the first time I’ve actually been truly disappointed with him. He didn’t call last week nor did his PA. Needless to say I’m somewhat miffed. I’ll be looking for an explanation when I call on Monday. I know he sees patients then.
***I heard back from Paul about the prosthetic nipples. He said he can do anything I want. So NOW all I have to do is decide what I want. Not as easy as it sounds. If I decide not to opt for surgery, these babies are my nips for life. Or until the wear out and I have to get new ones.
Mail order nipples… Now THERE’S a modern concept for ya.
***A friend of mine from another site who just recently started reading my blog said that I need to “pull myself out of the Abyss”. Someone else pointed out that the word “survivor” is frequently used as a crutch. Now THAT took the wind out of my sails. Those two comments have me wondering just how much of this blog consists of me whining about how truly awful things have been. I would LIKE to think that there is some helpful information in all of this. As for pulling myself out of the Abyss, THAT is what this blog is about for me. I have been in some very dark places since this all began. The things I’ve been discussing are surface issues by comparison. I know I still have healing to do.
There are times when I’m not very good at recognizing my limitations and boundaries. This is one of those times. I’m still somewhat enmeshed in the misery I suffered. Some days it clings to me like cobwebs. I wonder how much longer this sorrow will be with me. I suspect it will be years more because I have a book to write.
I also have allowed a few people to have a great deal of influence in my life. I wonder sometimes how much I’m doing just to make them happy and how much of what I do are things that *I* want for me. It’s difficult when I can’t seem to separate my desires from theirs FOR me. Not long ago I was explaining to someone that I tend to analyze the crap out of everything. So I am. It’s just part of the “Maria” package.
***That troublesome spot on my back has mostly scabbed over. Now it’s just a matter of time before it completely heals up. The wet-to-dry bandages really helped. The other side that had separated and scabbed is healed up now and has blended into the rest of the scar line.
***Intimacy has the most beautiful bras and panties for DDD+ cup sizes. The engineering that goes into these bras is phenomenal. Unfortunately, their customer service is HORRIBLE! I’ve had to keep calling multiple times to check on a back order. I called three times and left two messages before someone called me back to let me know that my original fitter was no longer with the company. Then it took 20 minutes for them to find my original back order paperwork and verify that those items were ones I still wanted. At that point, after being placed on hold for about 5 minutes I was told they were out of stock but would be getting them in soon.
Six weeks later I got a message saying that my back order was in. So I called back, ended up leaving two messages in a week and FINALLY got a human being a week after that. It took another 20 minutes to find and verify my back order ONLY to be told that they were out of one item that I ordered and it would have to be shipped from the Boston store.
If Intimacy could just get their act together customer service-wise, they would be more popular than Victoria’s Secret. Intimacy’s lingerie is better made, more supportive and will last longer. PLUS they offer life time tailoring. If you lose a substantial amount of weight, they will tailor your bras to fit as many times as you want.
07.13.09
Bra Day Redux
After wearing my pretty blue Prima Donna Kensington bra (http://tinyurl.com/npkxnm) and panties today, I have great news to report. The skin on my back has healed sufficiently so as to not tear under pressure the way it did last time I tried to wear a bra. That was right after my one month check up.
I wore the bra for about 9 hours today and found it to be VERY comfortable. I only had to adjust the band once. I’ve also healed enough to be able to feel the bra strap on my back. For the most part at least. My nerves have not completely healed yet. There are still areas of numbness but not to the extent that they were. Those numb areas are actually getting more pronounced feeling as time passes. Eventually I’ll actually be able to feel everything on my back again.
In other words, if my fingers slip and I snap myself with my bra band, I now KNOW I snapped myself. Sometimes pain is something to grudgingly accept. In this case it indicates progress in healing.
Yay pain??
I’m not sure if this progress means that I’m going to dive head first into daily bra wearing again. Somehow, I don’t think so. The bras are beautiful and they do lovely things for the TWINS, as you have all borne witness to. I’m really rather enjoying using the shelf bras though. Even though the Prima Donna bras ARE comfortable, the shelf bras are even more comfortable.
While I do think I’ll be wearing bras more often, I think that for the time being I’m going to stick with my shelf bras as my daily wear mainstay. That may change with a little more time. I’m just going to have to take it as it comes and see what happens. As usual.
07.12.09
Bra Day
Since everything seems to be healing so nicely. I’m wearing one of my new Prima Donna bras today. I’ll report back about whether or not I have any complications from it due to skin delicacy or other issues.
06.21.09
Ta-Ta Tuesday on Twitter
Since my #stripperfriday avatar (shown in another post below) was so popular, as the suggestion of a friend, I am officially founding #TaTaTuesdays on Twitter.
What is TaTaTuesday? It is a weekly event wherein anyone may take a TASTEFUL (Cover up nipples and areole) photo of their ta-tas and turn it into their icon for the day each Tuesday. Be creative! Be inventive! Be awe inspiring! This is a fun event.
HOWEVER no one under the age of 18 should take part in this weekly event. This isn’t meant to be pornographic.
“Not pornographic?” you say? Allow me to explain. If you have read my blog, you know what I’ve been through and exactly how big a deal having breasts is for me. Stop the snickering. I didn’t mean “big” THAT way. I’ve gone shopping for tops that show them off to their best advantage. I now live in a world where a man once walked into a pillar because he was looking at my decollete. This is COMPLETELY new to me. So of course I want to have fun with it.
There are SO many women out there who hate their bodies. I want to encourage self love. I think having wonderful (and again I stress TASTEFUL) avatar images for one day a week will encourage just that.
Imagine getting compliments on how beautiful/amazing/sexy you look simply because you had the courage to do something fun and daring. So join me this Tuesday June 23 on Twitter for #TaTaTuesday and post your ta-ta avatar!
06.20.09
Under There
HA! Just made you say “Underwear”!
Seriously though folks, because of the relatively minor issues with slow healing on my back in a couple spots, I’m wearing camisoles either as my top or as an undershirt. It took me a while to find ones with half way decent support. I’ve found that shelf bras with wide eleastic bands do a pretty decent job. I found a bunch at Kohl’s on sale for $9.99 each. They have thin shoulder straps but the band is pretty wide so that sort of makes up for it.
I found two others at Macy’s with wide elastic shoulder straps and a wide band. I like those better as they tend to give better support. Unfortunately it’s summer in Florida and it is already reaching 99 degrees in the afternoons. I can only wear those once as undershirts before having to wash them. It IS nice just throwig on a cami and capris when I need to run out the door though.
I have all these pretty bras and panties and I still can’t wear any of them until these areas on my back are completely healed. Which brings me to a major complaint about Intimacy. I am STILL missing two pairs of panties. A couple weeks ago I got a call from a manager asking me if I had gotten everything. I let her know what I was still missing and that I had called leaving a message saying as much but never got a call back. She told me that she would investigate and call me back. I STILL have not heard from her.
I’m getting ticked off about this. They have such wonderful products but such hideous customer service that it’s really no longer worth it to shop there. For THAT kind of money per piece I expect MUCH better service. I will, of course, keep you all up to date about what happens. I WILL have my matching panties or someone will be dealing with an extraordinarilly pissed off Maria. That is NOT something anyone wants.
06.18.09
Numb: An Update
On 6/4/09 I wrote about rubbing a spot on my back raw with a new bra strap and causing some pretty major bruising. I simply couldn’t feel what was happening because the area closest to my spine is still insensate from the incisions on either side where the muscle was removed.
A couple days ago I started getting worried because the bruised area had sloughed off skin and the scabbed over area was turning an odd shade of yellow. Yesterday I noticed that it was tinged green. That’s ALWAYS a bad color for a wound. I am, of course, very paranoid about any kind of complications. So I had Ken take a photo, emailed the shot and called Dr. Elliott’s office to talk to one of the nurses.
After asking if I was running a fever or if there was a smell, she suggested that perhaps we were simply keeping it too moist. The bandage was being changed 1-2 times a day and copious Neosporin was applied. She also told us that we should be washing the area twice a day with antibacterial soap. This was news to me as had been previously told that it should be washed whenever I showered. Since I’m so inactive I don’t shower daily as it is simply too draining. I exhaust very easily.
This morning after covering the area with only non-stick gauze and no neosporin, it was back to where it had been previously. So this is a cautionary tale about keeping wounds TOO moist.
As for the numbness itself, it’s getting better. I do think that it’s probably going to take a few more months before my back is completely normal again though. Time will tell.
05.28.09
Girly Girl
Today I went back and re-read a post from right before my surgery in April entitled “I Am Not A Girly Girl, Am I?” I am still rather torn over the question. Today I intentionally wore a very revealing top <see the photo below> because I have been wanting to wear this since before my surgery. In my opinion it is a, for me, very feminine top.
When I went bra shopping in Atlanta, I chose frilly, lacey, flowery bras and matching panties. It is only now that I have ordered a couple non-dressy bras for day to day wear. Before we went out to run errands today I even took the time to put on moisturizing sun block. These are all things that I did not do before my surgery.
I was considering today when (not IF) I should break out my blue corset and start sizing it for DragonCon in August. I was also thinking about my Ren Faire wardrobe and wondering how much of that was going to have to be sold because it simply doesn’t fit my new chest size. Much of my Renn Faire wardrobe consists of Elizabethan, Empire and French Provincial gowns. There are also indivisual mix and match pieces that go with skirts and bodices. There are a few pieces of pirate garb but mostly it’s girly stuff.
On the other hand, the only time I wear makeup is if t’s a special occasion OR I get a wild hair. Those are very infrequent. The last time I wore makeup AND a dress was our 13th wedding anniversary. We went on a romantic dinner cruise on the river. Part of the reason I don’t wear makeup is that I have sensitive skin. I have yet to find anything I can wear for more than a couple days in a row that doesn’t break me out. The other reason is that I work at home so I have no real reason to wear makeup on a regular basis. I also have a hard time buying into the hype that seems to go along with the cosmetics industry. So what if my skin tone isn’t completely even or my pores are a bit enlarged? Really it is no big deal. I wish the “fashion experts” would stop making it sound like if you don’t have a perfect complexion that there’s something wrong with you.
Perhaps this is just a phase. After all, the Twins ARE like a shiny new toy. Maybe in a year or so I’ll be back to wearing oversized tshirts and cargo shorts instead of more form fitting fare. Right now I really don’t know though I suspect that eventually I will find a balance between comfort and girly.
05.25.09
That’s What They Call Progress
As is par for the course I spent the day doing very little. Mostly I spent it just recovering from the extended trip home and the extra-long visit to Disney World. I’ve been really tired today and even took a nap this afternoon. Extra sleep aside, I’ll be going to bed at a decent hour tonight.
I must admit that I am feeling better. I’ve only taken three rounds of acetominaphen today. I’m also thinking about driving for the first time since my surgery tomorrow. Ken has to take his Beetle over to the mechanic to have the air conditioning looked at. It’s been blowing warmer air for the last two weeks and with summer coming on fast here in central Florida, that needs to be taken care of as soon as possible.
Rather than let him be stranded at the mechanic all day, I’m thinking of trying to drive over to beachside and pick him up. I *think* I’ll be able to handle driving but I really have no way of knowing whether I can or not until I actually try.
Instead of trying to head directly out on the highway, I’ll probably start by taking a loop around the neighbornood. That will give me a good idea as to how limited I am in my turning radius. A few weeks ago the very idea of making broad overhanded turns was enough to make me cry. Now, I think I can manage it.
I’ve noticed that when I get up and down if I have more breast support, I have less pain. The shelf bra tank tops that I had previously thought of as too tight now give a little added support. Another thing that helps is sliding one arm under my breasts and holding them in place as I get up.
I’ll update again tomorrow and report on how well the foray into driving goes.
